Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything I believe we should
all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real
problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I
go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my
cock.
Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up
a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room.
Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their
workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy
looked like a real man's man, too big biceps, meaty thighs,
thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until
he started sucking my cock, that is.
Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I
look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without
realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering
the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that
reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."
I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to
do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking
my cock, I've got a real problem.
Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and
came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s.
He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that
mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock!
What is it with these homos? Can't they control their
sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them
to suck on without them having to target normal people like me?
Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked
by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach
club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my
wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to
me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I
could do to stop them.
I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot
of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this
happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay?
And where did he get those fantastic boots?
It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a
man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's going to grab me
and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I've even
started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes
during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with
my wife even some that haven't actually happened, like the
sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks
forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about.
Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying
to suck my cock, which would be adultery and would make me feel
tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But,
believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these
homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and,
frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way
to get them to stop.
I've tried all sorts of things, but it's all been to no
avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-
looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the
hopes that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't
work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really
started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were
sucking my cock, but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their
mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their
face, chest, and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have
to do to get the message across to these swishes?
I swear, if these homosexuals don't take a hint and quit
sucking my cock all the time, I'm going to have to resort to
drastic measures like maybe pinning them down to the cement
floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working
my cock all the way up their butt so they understand loud and
clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I
mean, you can't get much more direct than that.